Dec 31, 2:18-21 am

These new leaves are heavier than I thought. I need stronger wrists with such a heavy heart. What's the right word for "not quite getting anything right"? There I am. A picture on a wall. Remember? Does anyone ever really remember me? I've painted my room in black and white. I figure its a due break from the grey area I spend most of my day in. I smile at least. And its genuine at least. At least. Where am I though? What has hapiness bought me? An empty heart/hand/bed? I love the irony of life. At least. Sleep isn't the easiest to find lately. Maybe I've been cursed. Maybe I just don't try like I used to, but, honestly, why should you have to? So much effort for so little return. All out of fear. All out of ignorance. I've painted my room black and white.

--
jude via sidekick

No matter

How drunk you are it still sucks when everyone else is with a girl.

This is mainly the liquor talking, I don't really care all that much
but...damn. Can someone awkwardly hold my hand?

--
jude? via sidekick

Dear blog

Todd is a fucking fuckface asshole who doesn't even have the internet so he doesn't understand blogs. Fuck him.

Yes.

I'm a little drunk.

--
via sidekick

If I did hip-hop...

If

I

CAN

Keep my legs moving, keep my head on, keep it going. Steady falling on my face at every crack that’s in the pavement. Yeah, I’ve got plenty of scrapes on my hands and on my kneecaps, but I’m standing here today despite the bullshit and the mishaps. I grew up latchkey, poor as fuck out in the country and got beat up every day by kids who couldn’t understand me. I’m as awkward as fuck at making friends and getting ladies, I just get too fucking shaky so I drink to think less clearly, really. Nervous can’t even begin to sum it up, the type of kid with 1st place wondering if he’s just not good enough. An A+ average with those F- guts, but get a vodka tonic in me and turn this shit up. It’s like... I try hard and I just have to try harder. I climb to the top and feel the air getting heavier, but I can't lie to myself because there's always been pressure and I made it through last time and things just got better. So I do my best to always focus on the other hand. Head out the door because I have to make that money, man, but if I could I'd go and never stop running and end up someplace I've never, ever, ever been. I’m off work and I'm back into the bar again. See some ladies and wish I had the guts to talk to them. Like the little engine because I chug and chug and think I can...

Theres more, obviously, I just wanted to get some feedback and its been a minute since I updated.