Look in the mirror

Life is crazy right now. Not bad, don’t get me wrong, I’m loving life. New friends, new promotion, new opportunities...I’m doing better than I have been for a while, unfortunately that makes me more anxious.

New friends scare me. In my eyes everyone that I want to be friends with is cooler than me. Once again, don’t get me wrong. I think I’m awesome...I’m just not so confident that everyone else does. I spend nights at bars standing near new friends, sweaty-palmed and waiting for someone to talk to me. Someone break the ice, please. When it happens I’m fine. I talk. I go to the bathroom and come back to a new conversation about something I have no idea about. Nervous again and again and again. Its not fun and I’m trying to change it. A few more nights and a few more stories and I think I’ll be fine.

New promotion. Man. Its going to be a feat but I think I can tackle it. A lot to learn from experience and experience alone. Until I get through this I have no idea what I’m doing. That is extremely frightening for me. I’m the answer guy. I know everything and if somehow I don’t I can always find out. Not this. No one knows exactly. I have no answer guy. Just questions and a lot of “I think...” going on. I’ll be fine.

New opportunities. Everyone I know wants to see me do something huge. Everyone that has seen me draw a picture, read something, or heard a song I wrote. I’m good at it all. Not in a conceited sort of way but more in a “fine, guys, I get it.” sort of way. I don’t believe I’m better than a lot of people at many things, and I barely think I’m better than anyone at any of this, but I am better than most and that’s all that matters I guess. I just need to focus. I need some help. I just don’t know where to get it. I need a way to get myself out there. First, though, I need to figure out what I want out there in the first place.

Life is crazy right now. I plan on using this blog to get a lot off of my chest. I plan a lot. Don’t be surprised if this is all I ever write here. Check back though, you never know.